Kiss me, Kate

A brief modern take on The Taming of the Shrew.

So, I was reading something somewhere and someone pointed me to a modern retake on ‘The Taming of the Shrew’. It was a bit to much ‘retake’ for me, changing pretty much the entire plot, but it did give me an idea…

So here is my first rough take on a modern update of Taming of the Shrew, short story version.

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B: Bautista: Rich important business man with two daughters

K: Kate: Bautista’s oldest daughter

P: Petr: Rich son of a Texas Cattle Magnate

C: Curt: Petr’s assistant. Smart and stupid.

S: Secretary: Blond floozy

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Mr Bautista, a well dressed and decently tall man enters his outer office, where his blond floozy of a secretary is sitting typing. The name of the door reads ‘Bautista Enterprises”.

S: Good morning, Mr Bautista.

B: Good morning, Miss Jones. What’s on my schedule for today?

S: Nothing until ten o’clock, and then you have a meeting with Petr Johnson.

B: Who?

S: Peter… that’s how its pronounced I’m told… Johnson. The son of Twin Johnson, the cattle magnate?

B: Oh. Well, what is he coming to see me about?

S: He didn’t say, Sir. His father actually made the appointment, and he didn’t say either.

B: Well, I suppose I’ll see. I can’t afford to offend someone as rich as Twin Johnson.

s: No, Sir.

Bautista enters his office and begins work on his own computer.

S: Sir? Your ten o’clock appointment is here.

B: Send him in. Peter?

Two men walk into the inner office. One is short and dressed in a flashy New York suit fashion, the other is at least six foot four, solidly built, in the well-dressed Texan fashion, including boots, string tie, and cowboy hat. The tall man looks to be about twenty years old, and looks very confident.

P: Good morning, Sir, I’m Petr (Peter) Johnson…

C: Peter without the ‘e’.

P: And this my assistant, Curt. A total fool, but an excellent assistant.

C: grins

B: I see. And, umm, what is this meeting about? My secretary…

P: I’ve come to marry your daughter.

C: The bossy one. The older one. The…

P: Hits C across the head

B: Marry… marry my Kate?

C: No one calls her that. They call her the…

P: Hits C again

P: Exactly. I just graduated school… Harvard, you understand…

B: You had an assistant in college?

C: University.

P: I don’t know why more students don’t have them. Very helpful.

B: Well, I suppose…

C: I did his shirts, beat up the bullies…

B: Looking at P: He wouldn’t seem to need that.

C: Very few bullies at Harvard. But I was ready to beat them up.

B: But… you want to marry Kate? When did you meet her? I’ve never heard her talk about you.

P: Oh, we’ve never met.

C: I showed him a picture that I took of her, and I compliled a dossier.

B: A dossier?

P: I don’t know why more people don’t do them!

B: But… but why do you want to marry her?

P: Points at C

C: Ahem, “The ten reasons I want to marry your daughter, by Petr Johnson, read by…

P: Hits C

C: Reason the first: She is beautiful

Reason the second: She is witty

Reason the third: She is funny… which I didn’t think was a different reason from…

P: Hits C

C: umm, Reason the fourth: she is not a gossip

Reason the fifth: She hates parties

Reason the sixth: She loves politics… altho the wrong type, but we are convinced

P: Hits C

Reason the seventh: I want to have a wife

Reason the eighth: I want to have children

Reason the ninth: I want to run your senatorial campaign and, finally,

Reason the tenth: Two other men who want to marry your younger daughter Bee and are paying me to get the older sister out of the way.

P: So, there you go…

B: What? What senatorial campaign?

C: We are in communication with his father’s assistants, assistant to assistant, you see…

P: Hits C

C… and our plan for the campaign is to draft you against your will. You know what a moron…

P: Hits C

C… what a intellectually challenged individual your current senator is and his term is ending soon…

P: As is our time. I texted your daughter to be here at ten fifteen, so you two will have to leave so I can do my wooing.

B: You texted her? But why would she…?

C: Leading B out: I spoofed your phone number. We are thinking it should be one of your campaign planks, to make that illegal. Do you know how many people answer a call every day thinking it is from their wife, or girlfriend, only to find out…

P: Moves to sit behind the desk.

There is a wait.

S: (Via intercom) Your daughter is here, Sir.

P: Send her in.

S: Yes… Sir?

K: Coming in and being halfway to the desk before noticing P: Father, why did you text me, you know that I… (finally noticing) You’re not my father!

P: Getting up and moving to close the door: No, no, I’m not. I’m the man that is going to be your husband.

K: Looking around angrily: What? Where is my father?

P: Discussing his senatorial campaign with my assistant.

K: Backing up as P comes closer, then backing backing: His what? With who?

P: Kiss me, Kate.

K: What? Why??

P: Well, as husband and wife it is kind of part of the job, and I wonder what you taste like.

K: What? What I taste like? I mean no, I won’t kiss you.

P: Still advancing, so the two are kind of doing a circle around the room: Yes. I wonder if you taste spicy, like Texas Tacos.

K: Too spicy for you, no doubt. Not that you’ll ever find out.

P: Oh, but I love spice. Or I wonder if you taste sweet, like Texas Sweet Tea.

K: I’m sure I’m not sweet. Have you heard nothing about me?

P: He leaps forward, grabs her, sits on the couch, and puts her on his lap: I have heard everything about you. I have heard that you are the most beautiful girl in this whole state… which is rather small.

K: Small?! I doubt you know what big is!

P: Leaning over her shoulder and whispering: I’m from Texas, everything’s bigger in Texas. Kiss me, Kate.

K: Squirms: I will never kiss you!

P: That will make for an awkward marriage. People will talk.

K: Turns to him: They won’t have time to talk. I mean, they will have nothing to talk about. I will never marry you…

P: Kisses her which she eventually returns.

B and C walk back in with S

C: leading an open mouthed B by the arm back out, S following wide eyed: Well, the wooing is going well. Let us discuss polling companies…

They exit, couple still kissing.

—

As I said, this is a rough first draft. I’m thinking the end product will be about double. I would like to have a scene at an airport, with his private jet warming up in the background.

But, what do you think of this so far??

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Von