I think there needs to be a better transition to the registrar's viewpoint. As it is, it seems like we're about to get a view of the lass's back story, and suddenly we're in this guy's head.
Better. But it still might be better if you added a paragraph about everyone looking at them before jumping into the other guy's head. It just seems abrupt.
Remember, my advice is free, and worth every penny. 🪙
And it's done. What *will* her father think? 😉
I think there needs to be a better transition to the registrar's viewpoint. As it is, it seems like we're about to get a view of the lass's back story, and suddenly we're in this guy's head.
Check it now and see if it flows better for your.
Better. But it still might be better if you added a paragraph about everyone looking at them before jumping into the other guy's head. It just seems abrupt.
Remember, my advice is free, and worth every penny. 🪙
Well, the bit with the 'other guy' happens a bit later.
Then maybe add a paragraph, or at least a sentence, pointing to the passage of time.
Also the first Ai pic is screwed up bad
How so?
She has 3 hands
Just study the hands