Sex and Leadership

“After your honeymoon, your sex life will diminish.”

“As you get older, your sex life will diminish.”

“When you have kids, your sex life will diminish.”

That is the ‘advice’ that the world will give you. And the church as affected by the world. But it is NOT what the Scriptures say.

Leadership

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Genesis 18:19

Now, I am perfectly willing to write about sexual frequency in marriage. Perfectly willing. But what this post is about is leadership in marriage. Sex and leadership in marriage.

All too often men… young men, older men… treat sex in marriage as if it was something that ‘just happened’. They come home, the house is in chaos, the wife is tired… I guess I won’t be getting it tonight. They don't see that the way the home and the wife are indicate failures of their leadership.

Priorities

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

Micah 6:8

One of the most important elements of leadership is setting priorities. All too often we let stuff ‘just happen’, and fail to measure what is happening against the list of priorities that they should have.

Is it a priority of the husband that the house be clean and the children playing quietly in their room when he gets home? Is sex a priority?

It has been said that if you don’t know where you are going, any road will get your there. You have to know what you want to accomplish before you can accomplish it.

Passivity

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Joshua 24:15

I have seen far, far too many husbands whose leadership in the home consists of complaining about their wife and children. They take an entirely passive view of how to fix things. If only other people…

I think we should be thinking in the exact opposite direction. I think every time we see something wrong with our house, we need to ask ourselves, “What do I need to do to fix this?” Not ‘if only my wife…’ or ‘if only my children…’ but ‘if only I…’.

Training

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

One form of passivity is the lack of training. We wait until a situation arises, and then try to deal with it. The proper way of dealing is to first train for the situation, and then you have the tools to deal with it.

Let me get us back to the clickbait word ‘sex’. How does training influence sex? Well, all too often the way that children have been allowed to act is just to run wildly around until given specific instructions… and then probably run wildly around even afterward, waiting for continual discipline.

Now let us contrast that with the trained child. Suppose that, occasionally during the day, the mother (or father) have said, “Go in your room and play quietly” or “Go in your room and play with music on”. Not when anything important is happening, just as a matter of training.

Time and time again they have done this, till the children are not only used to being told to do it, they are used to being punished when they violate it. They are left longer, the parent goes farther, and they become… trained.

So then, the father comes home and wants sex, all he has to say is, “Go play in your room with the music on,” and, viola, the children go off for more ‘training’. Meanwhile he takes the wife off and they… spend time together.

Sex

So, getting back to sex. The Scriptures make it abundantly clear, and I can lay this out in another post, that sex is to be a priority for the married couple. Not so much for unmarried couples, if you follow my drift. And not ‘sex’ as in ‘great sex’, but ‘sex’ as in ‘routine sex’… continual, all night, day after day, rejoicing with each other. Not defrauding, not withholding, not withdrawing.

And one’s job as parent is not in opposition to that, it is part of that. Part of what your children should see is that the father rejoices in the mother, and vice versa. Part of what you should be teaching, training, and leading your family in is the vital sexual relationship between the father and the mother.

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Thanks again, God Bless, Soli Deo gloria,

Von

Links

https://wilderreport.substack.com/p/is-your-wifes-headache-really-gods/comment/70047680