The Myth of the Submissive Wife

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

There exists a creature in the public imagination that, as far as I can tell, only exists there. This creature is called ‘The Submissive Wife’.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are wives, real live wives, who are submissive to God and their husbands. Perhaps not many of them, perhaps more than we think. And they have existed throughout the ages. Sarah comes to mind.

But in our modern day we have invented a creature we call ‘the submissive wife’, that bears no resemblance to that wife so famous in story, song, and Proverbs 31. The wife that Shakespeare wrote about.

No, in our days we have invented a new creature and this creature is complained about (imagine inventing a creature only to complain about them) by the pagan and Christian world simultaneously.

Doormat

Fie, fie! Unknit that threat’ning unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.

It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.

A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe,
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience—
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;

And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?

I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.

Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?

Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.

Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot;
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

Let us start with the pagan world, in honour, if you call it that, of which I have posted not a verse but a, umm, verse. A passage from Shakespeare, no less. One of the most famous, or infamous, passages from Shakespeare. One that illustrates the essential problem of the pagan view of The Submissive Wife… that she is a doormat.

Now, let us first acknowledge that, from their perspective, their view is true. Kate here (Shakespeare having invented a character named Kate, whom he has speak this monologue) concludes with the line ‘place your hands below your husband’s foot’, and it is difficult to imagine anything more ‘doormat’ like. Even if the pagan understands the reference and doesn’t think she is literally asking to be stepped on, even if he understand the reference to submission, and obedience, and vows and servanthood… that is literally what he calls ‘being a doormat’!

But I would call him back to reality… because that is not ALL he calls being a doormat. And the other part Kate here clearly refutes, and Scripture even more clearly refutes. When our pagan speaks of ‘doormat’ he does not merely mean submissive, obedient, vows and servanthood… he means dumb. Dumb and passive and confused and sheeplike. The eyes that are downcast are also dim, the voice that speaks in hushed tones also speaks with stuttering grammar.

The pagan sees the submissive wife as one who can do no better. As one who cannot understand her husband’s intellectual conversation, who is clueless about the forces that shape his world, who sits at home cowering… not working.

Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;

And yet that is precisely what Kat isn’t. She boasts of her imagination, her will power, her intellect, her verbal prowess… she does not say she does not have those things, and thus must submit to her man. She rejects using those things in rebellion against her man.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

What the pagan misses, and the Scripture clearly says, is that the more powerful the submissive wife, the more good she can do her husband. That there are two things which do a husband no good: a weak wife, and a traitorous wife. As in an army: what good the weak soldier, and what less good the strong soldier who does not obey orders? Who acts in rebellion to commands, in contradiction to the goals of the army?

Lack of Leadership

Now we turn to the ‘Christian’ husband. Not all of them, by any means. Although perhaps it is the majority of those posting on Social Media. Or, at least, those posting about their wives on social media.

These men seem to share the pagan view, from the other side. While the pagan decries the doormat, these ‘Christian’ men decry her lack. “Why isn’t my wife doormatting harder?!” they cry.

I could, if I wished, use Shakespeare here as well. To point out that Petruchio put in a hard lot of work to get to the point where the strong-willed, intelligent, Kate was willing to call him Lord. A hard lot of work, and a huge amount of sexual language, I might add… which goes right over the head of the modern American English speaker.

But because this man calls himself a Christian I will content myself with using ‘Christian’ references. References which he has, perhaps, seen and heard all of his life but which he woefully (and perhaps willfully) misunderstands.

One of the most misunderstood verses in the whole Scripture, in my opinion, is, or are, those verses in Proverbs which complain about the wife.

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

Proverbs 27:15

Like the young man searching for the virtuous woman, the husband with a complaining wife places the blame… on the wife. On the woman. On the search.

“If only I could find a virtuous woman!” says the young man, sitting in his father’s basement playing X-box. (If he isn’t doing so, if he is really looking, then DM me below. I have contacts.). He acts as if the woman is meant to be dropped in his lap while he does nothing, and is nothing.

Similarly the husband, complaining about the lack of submissive wife (on Facebook!)… who has never taken one step to lead his family. Expecting your wife to be submissive is like expecting your children to be obedient… it take effort.

And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped?

For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?

So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air.

I Corinthians 14:7-9

What man in Scripture, what Godly man in Scripture, sat back on his pillows while his wife brought him iced drinks? (Or, to quote a modern meme, a sandwich?) The Godly man in Scripture is being served by his wife… while he works very hard at leadership and Godliness. The Godly wife shares his bed, and bears his children, and increases his house… she does not sit, doormat like, waiting to bring him a beer.

This modern ‘Christian’ man is worse than the pagan. The pagan at least despises the doormat, the useless, brain dead, passive woman. This ‘Christian’ man desires her!

Oh, Christian, do you not read your Bible? Do you only read the parts that please you? Do you wish to have a Sarah when you are not prepared to sacrifice Isaac… let alone leave your father’s house (or, in your case, your couch)?

There is a chapter of Proverbs, or half a chapter of Proverbs, telling you what a Godly wife should look like. It comes at the end of 30 ( and a half) other chapters of Proverbs telling you what a Godly man should look like.

Get off Facebook, or, at the very least, stop complaining about your wife on Facebook, and get to doing the things that create the environment in which the Godly, submissive, wife lives and thrives. Start leading!

Now, let me be very clear. I am NOT saying that a wife is only to be in submission when her husband has his act together. That she should only obey the Godly, manly, handsome, virtuous, wonderful husband. That is clear blasphemy. Scripture says the opposite.

I am saying that the man who is complaining (on Facebook!) should shut up, close his account, put away his phone, get off his couch, and start leading. Like you would expect of a new CEO taking over a failing company. Like a Godly father who sees that his children are in rebellion. Like an ER doctor who has a patient come in with chest pain!

Thank you for reading Von’s Substack. I would love it if you commented! I love hearing from readers, especially critical comments. I would love to start more letter exchanges, so if there’s a subject you’re interested in, get writing and tag me!

Being ‘restacked’ and mentioned in ‘notes’ is very important for lesser-known stacks so… feel free! I’m semi-retired and write as a ministry (and for fun) so you don’t need to feel guilty you aren’t paying for anything, but if you enjoy my writing (even if you dramatically disagree with it), then restack, please! Or mention me in one of your own posts.

If I don’t write you back it is almost certain that I didn’t see it, so please feel free to comment and link to your post. Or if you just think I would be interested in your post!

If you get lost, check out my ‘Table of Contents’ which I try to keep up to date.

Von also writes as ‘Arthur Yeomans’. Under that name he writes children’s, YA, and adult fiction from a Christian perspective. His books include:

The Bobtails meet the Preacher’s Kid

The Bobtails and the Cousins

The Bobtails go to France

and

No Ordinary School

Arthur also has a substack, and a website.

Thanks again, God Bless, Soli Deo gloria,

Von