What is Marriage #3B

Marriage is Children

The horseleach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:

The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough.

The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.

Pro 30:15-17  

So, Andrew and I are having fun with our letter exchange about marriage. So far we have exchanged letters two and a half times, thus five letters. This being the sixth. I encourage you to read all of them. Some of this discussion won’t make sense unless you do. I also encourage everyone to comment or even propose other letter exchanges.

Our conversation so far has included:

What Is Marriage #1A (Dad Explains) Questions on what marriage is / How marriage has changed / Legal vs. Religious Questions

What Is Marriage #1B (Von) Asked and answered “Is Marriage Real?”

What Is Marriage #2A (Dad Explains) Expands on marriage being real within the framework of “names” or nomenclature.

What Is Marriage #2B (Von)  Marriage is a sexual union. That’s not all it is (by a long chalk), but that is its core.

What is Marriage #3A (Dad Explains) Asks the question, “Is marriage solely about children or are children a critical part of marriage itself?” and raises the spectre of infertile couples.

Part of this letter exchange is a bit of duelling set of definitions, so here is the one that I am using for this exchange. It is not everything I believe about marriage, but it covers certain core aspects necessary for this discussion.

Definition

Marriage is a permanent covenant to exclusive[4] sexual [3] union between a man[1] and a woman[2] that has been and is being consummated. It was ordained by God for the purpose of producing a Godly seed, in order that man should take dominion; to which end the woman is his helpmeet, and their children are arrows.

Now I have entitled this post ‘Marriage is Children’ and I fully admit and confess that I did that in order to raise hackles and get clicks. If you’ve read so far you will notice that my definition does not actually say ‘Marriage is Children’. What I said was “Marriage is… ordained by God for the purpose of producing a Godly seed…”.

Now what I hope to do in the rest of this post is not only demonstrate that part of the definition, but also to show where the limits and penumbras are to that definition. (Full confession, I had to look that word up to make sure it made sense. It sort of fits, but I hope by the end of the post to have more fully illustrated what I want to say.) I wish to thank Andrew for giving me such a wonderful opportunity for posting so may Scriptures!

A Perfect World

Instead of starting with our world, I would like to start my discussion with a perfect world. A perfect, sinless world in which we are all wandering naked around the garden of Eden. What ‘all’ am I talking about? Obviously the ‘all’ of all of the sons and daughters and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Adam and Eve.

Because marriage was created before the fall. The first husband and his wife were created before the fall of mankind, and married before the fall of mankind. For all I know they had children before the fall of mankind, although the story certainly doesn’t mention them

.

(If you are reading this and  you believe in evolution… then you really need to do the work here yourself. Even more than theism, evolution must believe that marriage is for children.  I seriously shouldn’t have to do any work at all to prove that, because for evolution *everything* is about children. Lots of successful children who go on to have lots of successful children. Success being measured by how many successful children they have.

Of course it also needs to be said that the word ‘purpose’ becomes meaningless when applied to a non-entity like ‘evolution’. Why should any of us care what will make us evolutionary successful? I personally think evolution is nonsense root and branch (pun intended) and will willingly debate/discuss that with anyone.)

Now in that perfect world we have the first injunction to children:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 1:27-30 

And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

Genesis 3:20

The very first recorded words that God said to the couple were, “Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth”.

So there is no question that, in that perfect world, marriage was about children. Or, as I say, “Marriage is… ordained by God for the purpose of producing a Godly seed…”.

Curse

And then we come to the fall. And God cursing the new couple (along with a passing snake that I’m sure was totally innocent!).  And in that curse he said to the woman,

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Genesis 3:16  

And then we have that  incident with the heavy rain and Noah. The entire Earth had fallen into sin, except for Noah, and God flooded the whole earth and killed everyone. Except Noah. And his wife. And his children. And his children in law. He wiped out the whole earth and saved one family. And afterwards we read:

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

Genesis 9:1  

But while we’re on the subject of curses, when God chooses to curse a person or people, one way He does it is with barrenness:

Give them, O LORD: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts.

Hosea 9:14  

So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.

For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.

Genesis 20:17-18 

Blessing

Conversely when the Lord wishes to bless a person or nation, he blesses them with fertility:

 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-4 

A Song of degrees. Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.

For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.

Psalm 128:1-6 

Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:

Genesis 49:25  

And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

Genesis 17:16  

Teaching

And the teaching of the Scriptures are all clearly tilted toward husband and wife being father and mother:

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Titus 2:3  

For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Timothy 2:13  

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

For some are already turned aside after Satan.

1Ti 5:14-15  

The final fact which fixes this is a sufficiently plain one. Supposing it to be conceded that humanity has acted at least not unnaturally in dividing itself into two halves, respectively typifying the ideals of special talent and of general sanity (since they are genuinely difficult to combine completely in one mind), it is not difficult to see why the line of cleavage has followed the line of sex, or why the female became the emblem of the universal and the male of the special and superior. Two gigantic facts of nature fixed it thus: first, that the woman who frequently fulfilled her functions literally could not be specially prominent in experiment and adventure; and second, that the same natural operation surrounded her with very young children, who require to be taught not so much anything as everything. Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren’t. It would be odd if she retained any of the narrowness of a specialist. Now if anyone says that this duty of general enlightenment (even when freed from modern rules and hours, and exercised more spontaneously by a more protected person) is in itself too exacting and oppressive, I can understand the view. I can only answer that our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world. But when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean. When domesticity, for instance, is called drudgery, all the difficulty arises from a double meaning in the word. If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge at the Cathedral of Amiens or drudge behind a gun at Trafalgar. But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean. To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets, cakes and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.

GK Chesterton

Infertility

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Psalm 113:9  

So what price infertility? Well, first of all let us remember that is the Lord which opens and closes the womb. You think you are infertile? Well, so was Sarah. So was Hannah. So was Elizabeth. So was Leah. So was… you get the point. The Lord opens and closes the womb, blessed be the name of the Lord.

The fact that some members of some class cannot succeed at accomplishing the task that the group has been set does not deny the purpose of the group. It does not even mean that they aren’t part of the group. And it does not even mean that they will never succeed.

Conclusion

So in answer to  Andrew’s question, I repeat what I have said before: “Marriage is… ordained by God for the purpose of producing a Godly seed…” That is not what marriage is, marriage is a sexual  union. But it is why it was created!

It is not even the only reason why it was created, but it certainly is the most fundamental. And, not to put it to crudely, the most obvious. Every single sexual act involves… the reproductive system. The most dramatic physical difference between men and women involves her ability to produce milk for children.

The Scriptures teach a lot about marriage, from beginning to end. We ourselves are said to be the bride of Christ, we are said to be the sons of God the Father.  One thing that the Scriptures consistently teach is that, “Marriage is… ordained by God for the purpose of producing a Godly seed…”

I love comments, especially intelligent comments from people who disagree.

[1] By ‘man’ I mean, for the purposes of this definition, a human being with XY chromosomes, all appropriately male primary and secondary sexual characteristics, who accepts and applies the ‘male’ role in his society. The definition of marriage might apply to someone who does not fully fit all of this description, but I am not addressing those edge cases here.

[2] By ‘woman’ I mean, for the purposes of this definition, a human being with XX chromosomes, all appropriate female primary and secondary sexual characteristics, who accepts and applies the ‘female’ role in her society. The definition of marriage might apply to someone who does not fully fit all of this description, but I am not addressing those edge cases here.

[3] By sexual I mean, at the very least, “frequent vaginal intercourse between a man[1] and a woman[2].”

[4] In saying ‘exclusive’ I do not mean to say that a man cannot have two or more wives. There are many examples of that in Scripture and that issue is very complex. I do mean to say that neither a man nor a woman can legitimately have sex with anyone except someone they are married to. (Thanks to Russ for pointing out this issue.)