Actually, I’d probably call it a slumber party. My brain refused to disgorge the right word when I was typing the comment.
From where I stand (or sit), an all-nighter is when a bunch of college students get together to “study” all night. The groups I was with in college would have pizza and popcorn and soda. I expect other groups would have something harder.
I can’t really put my finger on what’s wrong with the conversation. It’s more a feeling that people don’t really talk that way. But I think you are going for these people having a formal conversation style.
Sort of. I was trying to treat their ‘meditation period’ as a formal thing, after which they have a formal ‘report’. Kind of like a marriage vow in front of hundreds of people, or even a marriage proposal.
I'm not disagreeing, but from her point of view her worries were 'all about her daughter'. Not saying that was honest, but it was what she told herself.
It's been a while since I commented on these, so I figured I should get started again. 🙂
Yes, this is a great opportunity for them. And all the mother has to give up is herself.
The conversation seems rather stilted. I know you are going for a rather stylized speaking pattern, but some people won't be able to get past that.
And thus they celebrate with a sleepover. It seems about right for Jellia, but a bit juvenal for the mother.
Is that what you call a sleepover? Fascinating difference. I would have called it an 'all nighter', since no one comes from outside the house.
I would be interested in hearing where you find the conversation problematic. It is a work in progress, so able to be edited :)
Actually, I’d probably call it a slumber party. My brain refused to disgorge the right word when I was typing the comment.
From where I stand (or sit), an all-nighter is when a bunch of college students get together to “study” all night. The groups I was with in college would have pizza and popcorn and soda. I expect other groups would have something harder.
I can’t really put my finger on what’s wrong with the conversation. It’s more a feeling that people don’t really talk that way. But I think you are going for these people having a formal conversation style.
Sort of. I was trying to treat their ‘meditation period’ as a formal thing, after which they have a formal ‘report’. Kind of like a marriage vow in front of hundreds of people, or even a marriage proposal.
>>And all the mother has to give up is herself.
I'm not disagreeing, but from her point of view her worries were 'all about her daughter'. Not saying that was honest, but it was what she told herself.