Intriguing start. Check your spelling of hurriedly. There seems to be something missing: what was in the exact instructions that led her to take the sheet off the bed before running to yell I found it?
I found the story interesting, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take from it. A few thoughts/questions:
1. Why did she look in the other places before yelling "I found it!"? It seems a violation of the instructions.
2. I wanted more of a reason or internal debate over actually entering the cave. She seems a bit flippant/casual for something as epic as consulting an oracle. I don't have a good sense of the main character as a person.
3. The half-clothed boy standing on his head and flipping gave me uncomfortable images in my head. Can you clothe him or keep his feet on the ground?
4. "Come her" should be "come here." That jumped me out of the story for a moment.
5. What were you hoping the reader would feel at the end? I'm mostly confused. Why was she willing to keep the instructions (but not all)?
6. We found at about the lost ring at the same moment it was found, so there's no emotional investment in the find.
Things I liked:
1. Oracles are cool, and the little boy is interesting in his ferocity.
2. I thought at first it was the biblical story of the lost coin at first. It wasn't, but looking for a lost coin is inherently interesting.
Intriguing start. Check your spelling of hurriedly. There seems to be something missing: what was in the exact instructions that led her to take the sheet off the bed before running to yell I found it?
I’ll check the spelling when I get a chance, thanks. The key was in the word first.
I found the story interesting, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take from it. A few thoughts/questions:
1. Why did she look in the other places before yelling "I found it!"? It seems a violation of the instructions.
2. I wanted more of a reason or internal debate over actually entering the cave. She seems a bit flippant/casual for something as epic as consulting an oracle. I don't have a good sense of the main character as a person.
3. The half-clothed boy standing on his head and flipping gave me uncomfortable images in my head. Can you clothe him or keep his feet on the ground?
4. "Come her" should be "come here." That jumped me out of the story for a moment.
5. What were you hoping the reader would feel at the end? I'm mostly confused. Why was she willing to keep the instructions (but not all)?
6. We found at about the lost ring at the same moment it was found, so there's no emotional investment in the find.
Things I liked:
1. Oracles are cool, and the little boy is interesting in his ferocity.
2. I thought at first it was the biblical story of the lost coin at first. It wasn't, but looking for a lost coin is inherently interesting.
Not sure why it took so long for these comments to come in. Thanks so much! Looking forward to returning the favor!!
And you posed your comments as questions... are you looking for answers?