Definition
The definition of obedience that we used in our family was:
To immediately and cheerfully carry out the expressed and unexpressed wishes of those in authority over you.
Cornerstone
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.Scripture makes it abundantly clear that obedience is one of the cornerstones of the parent/child relationship. Both the Law and the Book of Proverbs makes it clear that a disobedient child is a disaster to his parents and to himself.
Genesis 22:3
I’m sure that all Christian parents at least pay lip service to the idea of ‘obedience’. But what does that obedience look like? I would like to emphasise here that obedience is… immediate. That the first aspect of any Godly man is that he obeys God ‘immediately’.
And since I am writing this to parents, who are to be training their children, I wish to emphasise that you need to see that the child who does not obey immediately is a child who is being disobedient. And that if you do not deal with that, you are training them to be disobedient.
Safety
Obedience. Teach them to obey, quickly, cheerfully, and without question.
How many movies have you seen (assuming you watch movies) where some little toddler is in some dangerous situation and the parents, firemen, policemen, and/or mayor of the city attempts to explain to the toddler why they need to unlock the door, crawl down the ledge to the nice fireman, or whatever in order to save themselves, the city, or the parents reputation? Avoid this situation.
Teach your very young child a few simple commands that they obey without question. Not things like 'play a Beethoven Sonata'. More things like 'come'. And teach them that command in such a way that you would feel confident, if the building was on fire and there was a bomb in the basement, your little one would... come. Come right to you and let you run away with them into the darkness and the glorious explosion of the house all done in wonderful special effects. Or stand perfectly still while you killed the spider on their back or the snake ready to strike.
And you don't teach this at the time of the emergency. You teach this day after day when there is no bomb, no snake, and no spider. The one parent says 'come' and the other parent, when the child doesn't dart toward the first one, picks the child up and drags them over there saying 'Mommy said 'come'!'
But above all, or first of all, teach them to do so… immediately.
Verses
Obedience
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Colossians 3:20
Those are just some of the dozens of verses in the Scripture that speak of children obeying their parents.
Immediately
But what does Biblical obedience look like? Well, one of the most important aspects is that it is… immediate. One of the phrases that Scripture uses to indicate this is, “Early in the morning.” God gives a command in a dream, at night, or the spies return with a positive message, and the man of God rises ‘early in the morning’ to do God’s will.
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
Genesis 21:14
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
Genesis 22:3
And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
Exodus 8:20
And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
Exodus 9:13
And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
Genesis 24:54-56
Or perhaps the Scriptures use the word ‘immediately’:
And going on from thence, he saw other two brethren, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and he called them.
And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him.
Matthew 4:21-22
Action Points
Or, as one of my sons is fond of saying, “Application!” How are we to apply this?
Well, there are lots of ways, but I seriously do wish to start and end this post with exactly one application. Because I think it covers 99% of the problem. It is this…
We need to see delayed obedience as disobedience. We need to see the delay itself as disobedience. We need to have our eyes opened and see it. We will need to address it in our children, but first in ourselves.
Do we see it as disobedience, or do we excuse it? Perhaps we even praise it?
Worse, when we give a command… do we do so in a way that it can’t be obeyed immediately? There is nothing wrong with a delayed command. Ie “When you get home…”. But even a delayed command should call for an immediate obedience… ‘Yes, Sir.”
Conclusion
The subject of obedience is a profound one, about which I have written and will no doubt write a lot more about. Obedience is a complex subject, with many facets.
But one of the first of the facets is immediate. To expect immediate obedience to our clearly given commands.
Thank you for reading Von’s Substack. I would love it if you commented! I love hearing from readers, especially critical comments. I would love to start more letter exchanges, so if there’s a subject you’re interested in, get writing and tag me!
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Thanks again, God Bless, Soli Deo gloria,
Von
Links
Woodshed Parenting: Laying out some of the foundations of proper parenting.
Learning in Silence: An exegesis and defence of ‘Children Should be Seen and not Heard’.
Upside Down Discipline: The woodshed creates tough, moral children.
Parthenogenic Parenting // Podcast Version: What is the role of the father in parenting?
Woodshed Discipleship : Teaching, Training, Punishment, and Pushing.
Not in the discussion, but related:
Honour v Obey // Podcast Version: Refuting the modern heresy that says older children are to ‘Honour’ their parents, and only younger ones ‘obey’.
Never Give Up! // Podcast Version
First Time Listening // Podcast Version
Faithful in Little // Podcast Version
Commentators
Gill
Children, obey your parents in the Lord,.... The persons whose duty this is, "children", are such of every sex, male and female, and of every age, and of every state and condition; and though the true, legitimate, and immediate offspring of men may be chiefly respected, yet not exclusive of spurious children, and adopted ones, and of children-in-law; and the persons to whom obedience from them is due, are not only real and immediate parents, both father and mother, but such who are in the room of parents, as step-fathers, step-mothers, guardians, nurses, &c. and all who are in the ascending line, as grandfathers, grandmothers, &c. to these, children should be subject and obedient in all things lawful, just, and good; in everything that is not sinful and unlawful, by the word of God; and in things indifferent, as much as in them lies, and even in things which are difficult to perform: and this obedience should be hearty and sincere, and not merely verbal, and in show and appearance, nor mercenary; and should be joined with gratitude and thankfulness for past favours: and it should be "in the Lord"; which may be considered either as a limitation of the obedience, that it should be in things that are agreeable to the mind and will of the Lord; or as an argument to it, because it is the command of the Lord, and is wellpleasing in his sight, and makes for his glory, and therefore should be done for his sake:
for this is right; it appears to be right by the light of nature, by which the very Heathens have taught it; and it is equitable from reason that so it should be; and it is just by the law of God, which commands nothing but what is holy, just, and good.
John Calvin
1.Children, obey. Why does the apostle use the word obey instead of honor, (167) which has a greater extent of meaning? It is because Obedience is the evidence of that honor which children owe to their parents, and is therefore more earnestly enforced. It is likewise more difficult; for the human mind recoils from the idea of subjection, and with difficulty allows itself to be placed under the control of another. Experience shews how rare this virtue is; for do we find one among a thousand that is obedient to his parents? By a figure of speech, a part is here put for the whole, but it is the most important part, and is necessarily accompanied by all the others.
In the Lord. Besides the law of nature, which is acknowledged by all nations, the obedience of children is enforced by the authority of God. Hence it follows, that parents are to be obeyed, so far only as is consistent with piety to God, which comes first in order. If the command of God is the rule by which the submission of children is to be regulated, it would be foolish to suppose that the performance of this duty could lead away from God himself.
For this is right. This is added in order to restrain the fierceness which, we have already said, appears to be natural to almost all men. He proves it to be right, because God has commanded it; for we are not at liberty to dispute, or call in question, the appointment of him whose will is the unerring rule of goodness and righteousness. That honor should be represented as including obedience is not surprising; for mere ceremony is of no value in the sight of God. The precept, honor thy father and mother, comprehends all the duties by which the sincere affection and respect of children to their parents can be expressed.
(167) “Τιμᾷν properly signifies, ‘to perform one’s duty to any one;’ and here reverence must comprehend the cognate offices of affection, care, and support. The same complexity of sense is observable in the classical phrase τιμᾷν τὸν ἰατρόν [to reverence the physician.] — Bloomfield.Matthew Henry
I. The duty of children to their parents. Come, you children, hearken to me, I will teach you the fear of the Lord. The great duty of children is to obey their parents (Eph 6:1), parents being the instruments of their being, God and nature having given them an authority to command, in subserviency to God; and, if children will be obedient to their pious parents, they will be in a fair way to be pious as they are. That obedience which God demands from their children, in their behalf, includes an inward reverence, as well as the outward expressions and acts. Obey in the Lord. Some take this as a limitation, and understand it thus: “as far as is consistent with your duty to God.” We must not disobey our heavenly Father in obedience to earthly parents; for our obligation to God is prior and superior to all others. I take it rather as a reason: “Children, obey your parents; for the Lord has commanded it: obey them therefore for the Lord's sake, and with an eye to him.” Or it may be a particular specification of the general duty: “Obey your parents, especially in those things which relate to the Lord. Your parents teach you good manners, and therein you must obey them. They teach you what is for your health, and in this you must obey them: but the chief things in which you are to do it are the things pertaining to the Lord.” Religious parents charge their children to keep the ways of the Lord, Gen 18:19. They command them to be found in the way of their duty towards God, and to take heed of those sins most incident to their age; in these things especially they must see that they be obedient. There is a general reason given: For this is right, there is a natural equity in it, God has enjoined it, and it highly becomes Christians. It is the order of nature that parents command and children obey. Though this may seem a hard saying, yet it is duty, and it must be done by such as would please God and approve themselves to him. For the proof of this the apostle quotes the law of the fifth commandment, which Christ was so far from designing to abrogate and repeal that he came to confirm it, as appears by his vindicating it, Mat 15:4, etc. Honour thy father and mother (Eph 6:2), which honour implies reverence, obedience, and relief and maintenance, if these be needed. The apostle adds, which is the first commandment with promise. Some little difficulty arises from this, which we should not overlook, because some who plead for the lawfulness of images bring this as a proof that we are not bound by the second commandment. But there is no manner of force in the argument. The second commandment has not a particular promise; but only a general declaration or assertion, which relates to the whole law of God's keeping mercy for thousands. And then by this is not meant the first commandment of the decalogue that has a promise, for there is no other after it that has, and therefore it would be improper to say it is the first; but the meaning may be this: “This is a prime or chief commandment, and it has a promise; it is the first commandment in the second table, and it has a promise.” The promise is, That it may be well with thee, etc., Eph 6:3. Observe, Whereas the promise in the commandment has reference to the land of Canaan, the apostle hereby shows that this and other promises which we have in the Old Testament relating to the land of Canaan are to be understood more generally. That you may not think that the Jews only, to whom God gave the land of Canaan, were bound by the fifth commandment, he here gives it a further sense, That it may be well with thee, etc. Outward prosperity and long life are blessings promised to those who keep this commandment. This is the way to have it well with us, and obedient children are often rewarded with outward prosperity. Not indeed that it is always so; there are instances of such children who meet with much affliction in this life: but ordinarily obedience is thus rewarded, and, where it is not, it is made up with something better. Observe, 1. The gospel has its temporal promises, as well as spiritual ones. 2. Although the authority of God be sufficient to engage us in our duty, yet we are allowed to have respect to the promised reward: and, 3. Though it contains some temporal advantage, even this may be considered as a motive and encouragement to our obedience.
Websters
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Obedience
OBE'DIENCE, noun [Latin obedientia. See Obey.]
Compliance with a command, prohibition or known law and rule of duty prescribed; the performance of what is required or enjoined by authority, or the abstaining from what is prohibited, in compliance with the command or prohibition. To constitute obedience the act or forbearance to act must be in submission to authority; the command must be known to the person, and his compliance must be in consequence of it, or it is not obedience obedience is not synonymous with obsequiousness; the latter often implying meanness or servility, and obedience being merely a proper submission to authority. That which duty requires implies dignity of conduct rather than servility. obedience may be voluntary or involuntary. Voluntary obedience alone can be acceptable to God.
Government must compel the obedience of individuals; otherwise who will seek its protection or fear its vengeance?
#
Obey
OBEY, verb transitive [Latin obedio; Gr.]
1. To comply with the commands, orders or instructions of a superior, or with the requirements of law, moral, political or municipal; to do that which is commanded or required, or to forbear doing that which is prohibited.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Ephesians 6:1.
Servants, obey in all things your masters. Colossians 3:20.
He who has learned to obey will know how to command.
2. To submit to the government of; to be ruled by.
All Israel obeyed Song of Solomon 1:1Chron. 29. Daniel 7:27.
3. To submit to the direction or control of. Seamen say, the ship will not obey the helm.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Romans 6:12. James 3:3.
4. To yield to the impulse, power or operation of; as, to obey stimulus.
Relentless time, destroying power, whom stone and brass obey
I have a lot to learn here. I'll admit - I do not live out the principle "delayed obedience is disobedience" very well in regards to how I parent my children. My husband does; he has much better boundaries than I do. I want to do better. Thank you, Von.