“All the World’s a Dance, and all the people in it merely dancers.” -Albert Fennesten, 100-32 previous. Quote said to be modified from an archaic, pre-diaspora, Earth Quote of unknown origin. “What do you think?” Illoia asked, spinning slowly in place and letting her skirt and petticoats flare lightly. Not that they had much room to flare, even in Aleshia’s stateroom. Even civilian star liners had small rooms, but on this joint Navy Liner, even the largest staterooms were tiny.
An exchange of critiques with @Von (and why didn't that highlight?).
1. Have you considered adding Previous/Next buttons to your posts? It took me a while to figure out where to go next.
2. Your language style strikes me as being rather archaic/formal, which is one of the reasons that I think of you stories as being "Regency Romance! IN SPAAACCEE!!!. As well as being a story about varying manners.
3. Even so, the continued use of the word "lasses" tends to throw me out of the story. It is not a word that comes up frequently in my reading. An occasional use in dialogue would be fine.
4. Maybe say what "Article 17" is early on so that we know what it is before the girls start talking about it.
5. My, these are an obnoxious lot of prigs, aren't they?
1. I think it is funny that I suggest you do a table of contents, and you suggest next/prev buttons. I have done those, but my they are a lot of work if you write as much as I do. Did you find the links at the bottom?
2. That's the idea, altho more Napoleonic era than Regency
3. Well... my idea is that they don't use 'girl' or 'woman'.
4. I want to preserve some mystery. Did you eventually figure it out?
5. The girls, the guys, or both? I am trying to emulate a different era, and even in my lifetime language has changed in some of these areas. I'm glad it is coming across, anyway :)
An exchange of critiques with @Von (and why didn't that highlight?).
1. Have you considered adding Previous/Next buttons to your posts? It took me a while to figure out where to go next.
2. Your language style strikes me as being rather archaic/formal, which is one of the reasons that I think of you stories as being "Regency Romance! IN SPAAACCEE!!!. As well as being a story about varying manners.
3. Even so, the continued use of the word "lasses" tends to throw me out of the story. It is not a word that comes up frequently in my reading. An occasional use in dialogue would be fine.
4. Maybe say what "Article 17" is early on so that we know what it is before the girls start talking about it.
5. My, these are an obnoxious lot of prigs, aren't they?
1. I think it is funny that I suggest you do a table of contents, and you suggest next/prev buttons. I have done those, but my they are a lot of work if you write as much as I do. Did you find the links at the bottom?
2. That's the idea, altho more Napoleonic era than Regency
3. Well... my idea is that they don't use 'girl' or 'woman'.
4. I want to preserve some mystery. Did you eventually figure it out?
5. The girls, the guys, or both? I am trying to emulate a different era, and even in my lifetime language has changed in some of these areas. I'm glad it is coming across, anyway :)
Thanks for the crit... next?