Gnostic and Insipid
Is it any wonder that our young people aren’t marrying and aren’t having children? What reasons are there? It is hard to count. But one of them is… the gnostic and insipid modern marriage sermon.
I had a rather bizarre experience the other day. Someone was reading some of my writing, my fiction, my yet unupblished fiction, and in it they came across a sermon, a marriage sermon.
Now I had taken this sermon almost verbatim from a commentary from John Gill (who wrote at about the same time that the book was set in) writing on a marriage text, but the commentator said that it was ‘inappropriate for a wedding sermon’. That she had ‘never heard a sermon like this for a wedding’. Now, as to that last, I agree with her.
You see, the text involved was… about marriage. Like, literally about marriage. Not marriage as some great spiritual connection, or marriage as a way of ‘keeping love alive’, but, you know (well, no, you probably don’t)… a man and a woman, getting in bed together, and making babies?
And in our age about the most important thing you aren’t supposed to mention in a marriage sermon is… marriage. That is, the sexual relationship between a man and a woman. The one that the book of the Song of Solomon is about? The one mentioned in Proverbs 5? Genesis 2? I Cor 7?
Gnosticism
How is it that people are shocked and appalled at the idea of the physical relationship of marriage being mentioned in a marriage sermon (or any sermon, I wouldn’t be surprised)? I believe the problem is gnosticism.
By ‘gnosticism’ here I am not meaning some entire system of doctrine; but of the general idea of a seperation between the physical and the spiritual. The idea that God is present in spiritual things, but absent or mostly absent in physical things. So while God may have created marriage and marriage may include some kind of physical relationship… we cannot discuss that ‘in public’, and certainly not at a wedding! That the wedding needs to be about the vague spiritual relationship between the man and God, and the woman and God, and the new couple and God… but not about their physical relationship.
(I say ‘vague’ not because I believe it is a specific part of gnosticism, but because of my experience. The preachers I have heard have not spoken very much about ‘daily bible reading’, still less about how to lead a home spiritually. Just about ‘growing in the Lord together’ and ‘keeping love alive’.
And to a lesser extent there is very little emphasis on fruitfulness… of having, bearing, and nursing children. Especially nursing.
Scripture
Let’s compare this with Scripture. When we go to Scripture for marriage passages, what do we find? We find a large emphasis on the physical relationship, a large emphasis on fruitfulness, and a very real but lesser emphasis on spiritual unity. Much lesser.
Let’s look at some of the marriage passages in the Scripture. Here are the qualifications I am using:
1) It must be about marriage. It must have the words ‘marriage’ or ‘wedding’ or ‘man and wife’ or something similar actually in the passage.
2) It includes teaching, not just story. Story has a lot to tell us about marriage, but they are not what I am focusing on here. I am going to post the passages below, in their entirety (except for the Song, for obvious reasons) and list which of the subjects are covered: sex, children, spiritual unity.
These passages obviously include many more subjects, important subjects, marriage subjects. But in light of recent experience I am going to evaluate them on those three subject: spiritual unity, sex, and children.
Given that the words ‘Spiritual unity’ are never used in Scripture, I will be including under that category the headship of the husband, submission of the wife, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church, etc. For ‘sex’ I will be including all of the euphemisms (one flesh, etc) as well as all of the actions (lay with, kiss, etc). And for children all of the metaphors (arrows).
I am open to more passages being added and being evaluated on those same three subjects. There are lots more passages.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Topics: sex, spiritual unity
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Malachi 2:14-16
Topics: sex, children, spiritual unity
Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed.
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts:
therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Proverbs 5:15-23
Topics: sex, children
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
Genesis 2:18-25
Topics: sex, (children, from earlier and later)
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
I Corinthians 7:1-40
Topics: sex, children, unity
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God.
Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.
Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.
I Peter 3:1-7
Topics: spiritual unity
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Psalm 45
Topics: sex, spiritual, children
To the chief Musician upon Shoshannim, for the sons of Korah, Maschil, A Song of loves.
My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever. Gird thy sword upon thy thigh, O most mighty, with thy glory and thy majesty. And in thy majesty ride prosperously because of truth and meekness and righteousness; and thy right hand shall teach thee terrible things. Thine arrows are sharp in the heart of the king's enemies; whereby the people fall under thee.
Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre. Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows. All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad. Kings' daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir.
Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house; So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.
And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall intreat thy favour. The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee. With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king's palace.
Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth. I will make thy name to be remembered in all generations: therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever.
The Song of Solomon 1:1-7; 8:8-14
Topics: sex, spiritual unity
The song of songs, which is Solomon's.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.
I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?
…
We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar.
I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
Solomon had a vineyard at Baalhamon; he let out the vineyard unto keepers; every one for the fruit thereof was to bring a thousand pieces of silver. My vineyard, which is mine, is before me: thou, O Solomon, must have a thousand, and those that keep the fruit thereof two hundred.
Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions hearken to thy voice: cause me to hear it. Make haste, my beloved, and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart upon the mountains of spices.
Psalm 127
Topics: children
A Song of degrees for Solomon. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 128
Topics: children
A Song of degrees.
Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.
Proverbs 31:10-31
Topics: children, spiritual unity
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Titus 2:4-5
Topics: children, spiritual unity
That they may teach the young women
to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
I Timothy 5:14-15
Topics: children
I will therefore that the younger women marry,
bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
For some are already turned aside after Satan.
Sufficient
Now I imagine that some might be tempted to retort that there is no need to discuss sex at the wedding. That everyone already knows what a wedding is about, that everyone already knows what are the marital duties in the bedroom…
I hope that merely stating the objection in full form is enough to refute it. In this day of transgenderism, feminism, pornography, and Sodomy, can anyone pretend that our society is so steeped in a proper Biblical understanding of marital duties that the Song of Solomon is superfluous? That fornication and adultery are so unknown amongst us that Proverbs 5 and I Cor 7 can be put on the shelf for another generation?
No. We live in one of the most anti-marriage generations in all of history. And one of the major foci of that anti-marriage sentiment has to do with the bedroom. With sex. With marital duties. Indeed merely calling it a marital duty (altho the concept comes straight from Paul) will no doubt have many old ladies hearts in a twitter. And many of those old ladies were be very young ladies indeed, and some of them not even ladies.
Insipid
Our modern sermons are gnostic, because they fail to see the importance of proper teaching in the physical aspects of marriage: sex and fruitfulness. They are insipid… because that is what a sermon is when it avoids the elephant in the room. The teetotaler who is preaching the the ladies teetotaler society is being insipid when he preaches (For the ten thousandth time) a lecture, however stern and pulpit pounding, on the virtues of teetotalism. He might well not be insipid, and will probably receive quite another reception if he were to preach on gossip. Or wifely obedience.
Our modern society is perfectly comfortable hearing another wedding lecture on the value of love. A conservative audience will be comfortable, indeed self-congratulating, sitting under yet another sermon on the submission of the wife. But they will be shocked and offended, one and all, to have the Biblical texts about the proper importance of sex in marriage. To hear the young man speak of his new wife as ‘his better half’ and ‘part of his spiritual journey’ will be received with beatific smiles; to have him speak of her breasts as two young fawns will get him kicked out of the church!
Conclusion
I once asked a bevy of conservative men, one at a time, how they handled the Song of Solomon in their family worship. Many of them admitted they skipped it. Others confessed to flying through it and hoping no one asked any questions. But what we are called to do is to teach it. To teach it and its companion passages, passage by passage, verse by verse, line by line, word after word. To teach it in all of its Biblical glory, in our family worship, our corporate worship, the way we live out our lives and, above all, in our sermons on marriage!
Sex, children, and spiritual unity are all covered when the Scriptures speak of marriage. Sex gets its own book, and frequent admonitions in the NT. Yet our modern preachers, especially wedding preachers, wish to leave it entirely off-camera, unmentioned, assumed. We need to make sure we aren’t attempting to be more spiritual than God Himself, in essence sitting in judgment against Him.
Propriety, by Doug Wilson
Everyone knows what will happen tonight,
But all politely avert the gaze,
Talking of all the beautiful sights—
The gown and veil, how the minister prays;
But later, when the couple has gone
And all the trappings have been removed,
Man and woman will welcome the dawn
With eros embraced, and eros proved.
Thank you for reading Von’s Substack. I would love it if you commented! I love hearing from readers, especially critical comments. I would love to start more letter exchanges, so if there’s a subject you’re interested in, get writing and tag me!
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Thanks again, God Bless, Soli Deo gloria,
Von
Links
Theology
Legalism: A less than useful word
Is God a Metaphor
Forcing yourself to believe
Marriage Discussion
I write a lot on the subject of marriage, and one of the most important threads has been a letter exchange with
. Our question in that thread was ‘What Is Marriage?”.Ryan Short also contributed.
That will preach. Marriage, like all of life, is greater than the sum of the parts but is not less than the parts. To diminish one is to diminish what God intended marriage to be. To make it all spiritual is to lose more than half and to make it all physical is to lose more than half. Somehow I suspect our divorce from farm life has greatly reduced our understanding of and appreciation for the physical.
Suggestion: I much appreciate the KJV but it is impenetrable to many people.