To Love your Wife
Like a modern, or like God commands?
Love like a modern, or Love like the Bible
It seems to have become a habit for modern Christians to accuse Christian men of not loving their wives, and then to fill in the definition of love with things utterly foreign to the Scriptures. And patently ignore everything that the Scripture says about how to love your wife.
So I have prepared this list in contrast. My goal is to make a list that comes from Scripture, not the modern zeitgeist. Not a complete list, by any means, but definitely the top few issues that Scripture lists for a husband.
Let her Breasts
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I Corinthians 7:3-5
Let’s start with the Scriptures (an even better place to start). What do the Scriptures say about how a man should love his wife? Well, first off it says (much to the horror of the modern commentator), that the man should make love to his wife. No, seriously, it’s actually commanded.
So loving your wife means finding time for sex in your daily schedule. It means not getting caught up in the dozens of much less important tasks and trivia that occupy the modern household. It might mean not volunteering for that out of town job.
Wash in the Word
Let your women keep silence in the churches:for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
I Corinthians 14:34-35
The second way in which the Scripture clearly says a husband is to love his wife is in the area of leadership. Leadership and teaching. Again, the modern church seems to have this exactly on its head. The modern church often seems to promote a concept of ‘servant leadership’ which looks much or like abject followership.
And this is not an easy task. Being ready for your wife and children’s every question. Being willing to say, “I don’t know” and looking it up. Learning far, far more of God’s Word than has been your habit. Never being able to pass the job off to the pastor.
Worse, it will involve standing up and saying that scariest of all words… “No”. Perhaps even frequently.
Worse than an Infidel
If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
Exodus 21:10
The third aspect of the Biblical man loving his wife involves provision. Provision for her and his children, and even the larger family. Most modern commentators include this in their lists, actually. Although often in order to denigrate it.
Note the passage above. Here a man has taken another wife. His temptation would be to ignore his first wife. And the OT law lays down the, umm, law and gives the minimum of things that a man must give his wife. Not the maximum, not the full loving list, but the bare minimum. Two things: sex and provision. Food, raiment, and sex.
Be Fruitful and Multiply
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
For some are already turned aside after Satan.
I Timothy 5:14-15
Now here’s an especially disliked responsibility of the husband… providing his wife with children. (For today’s woman this will no doubt need to be combined with a good deal of teaching and leadership, for the modern woman tends to reject this goal.).
Your leadership may be sorely tested by the issue of fruitfulness, but so will your provision. Will you have the faith to trust in God to take care of the children He provides you?
In Contrast
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
And then we have the modern commentator. Mentioning few, if any, of the above qualifications, they speak of the loving husband as doing all sorts of things that are utterly foreign to Scriptural commands. Oh, they might be nice things, but they certainly aren’t Biblical things. And sometimes they are anti-Biblical things.
So you have the man who says that a man should be known for loving his wife if he ‘listens to her dreams’. Now that may be a loving thing to do, even once we figure out which kind of ‘dreams’ it is talking about (I thought it was talking about those things that happen to us when we sleep, and my wife said she thought it meant ‘aspirations and goals’. Whatever.). But it isn’t a Biblically commanded things, it isn’t in any of the lists of love.
Conclusion
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:22-25
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 9:9
Husbands, love your wives. But get your definition of love from Scripture, not social media.
The Scriptures define love generically using lots of descriptions. We must be loving, even when we are tired. We must be kind, even when she is bitter. We must speak the truth even when she disagrees.
But all of those things, and there are hundreds, are loves common to all men at all times. There are some things that are specific to you, as a husband. Some kinds of love that no one else can do. That is what I have tried to present in this list.
Thank you for reading Von’s Substack. I would love it if you commented! I love hearing from readers, especially critical comments. I would love to start more letter exchanges, so if there’s a subject you’re interested in, get writing and tag me!
Being ‘restacked’ and mentioned in ‘notes’ is very important for lesser-known stacks so… feel free! I’m semi-retired and write as a ministry (and for fun) so you don’t need to feel guilty you aren’t paying for anything, but if you enjoy my writing (even if you dramatically disagree with it), then restack, please! Or mention me in one of your own posts.
If I don’t write you back it is almost certain that I didn’t see it, so please feel free to comment and link to your post. Or if you just think I would be interested in your post!
If you get lost, check out my ‘Table of Contents’ which I try to keep up to date.
Von also writes as ‘Arthur Yeomans’. Under that name he writes children’s, YA, and adult fiction from a Christian perspective. His books include:
The Bobtails meet the Preacher’s Kid
and
Arthur also has a substack, and a website.
Thanks again, God Bless, Soli Deo gloria,
Von
